Friday, July 31, 2009

When life gives you lemons and no one likes your lemonade...

This has by far been the most difficult parts of my life to date.

25 years old with a B.S. in Marketing and a minor in Asian American Studies has left me wondering where to go again; again again.

After being laid off in January, I’ve been through plenty of emotions that the average 25 year old wouldn't even think about: the rush from the breathe of new air, excited for my career future and anticipation. Then I had feeling of what am I doing wrong, losing my motivation, anger, frustration, depression, re-motivation. All of it to me is a cycle. Since January, I’ve applied to more than 300 openings. That means within seven months, I’ve basically applied to a little over 40 jobs a month. To many of you, this may seem like a minimal amount. I say to you, go on a job searching site or job fair or company website and apply to as many jobs as you can. After this, the following week, tell me how many new jobs you see posted and apply to them. This too is a cycle, a cycle that ultimately leaves you frustrated after seven months of playing the waiting game. Sadly, I’ve yet to land ONE INTERVIEW.

The feeling of, so close, yet so far away has left me to change my entire career path outlook from analyst-product manager-team manager-entrepreneur-retirement, to: find whatever I can, leave the tech industry and settle for whatever job I can land and then hopefully one day I can possibly meet that one goal I had. I’ve changed my career goal so much that recently, for the last few months, I’ve been attempting to apply for law enforcement here in the South Bay of California. This has been another strong interest of mine, but it has little comparison to my main focus I once had on technology. (Servers, PCs, trends, etc.)

After missing the first round for new officers here in the South Bay for the upcoming January academy, and analyzing the increasing budget cuts, even this job looks like its not going to be guaranteed. Over 1100 people apply for something like 40 seats in an academy. The next time I get to try out is July 2010! I don’t know about you guys but I don’t have another year of emergency funds and this week alone I’ve been turned down from 5 temp/part-time jobs. One thing for certain and gaining priority in my mind are my EDD checks. They are nearly EOL! What will I do after the money is gone?

It’s very safe to say that I’m pretty lost right now. The feeling of me failing to currently meet my goals and the huge potential of risk this has to my possible future family has made me reconsider where to go from here. I have a strong immediate family, a very loving girlfriend, and bad ass puppy who have all really kept me sane in this time of disappointment. However, I still feel that...

No one knows how much frustration I have inside of me. I mean, I've yet to really vent out what I actually feel how these past seven months has really changed my life. Given life changes all the time, I've felt I've changed a lot more than others (old friends). We all come to a point where we need to get rid of certain people and make new friends and trade in that college life-style for something called a job. The difference for a lot of us in the Millennial generation is that that job isn't going to be the same job as our parents. It's not like we will have that job in that one company and move around a lot and retire with the same people we started out with.

Ha WTF is my loyalty to a hiring company in the job market today? A blonde lady asked me this at a job fair I attended in May. How can you even ask that today? I gave her the answer she was looking for while in my head I have close to none. With the way things are now, you have to be selfish. There is no job security for any of us! My brother was notified of his job being terminated at the end of this month back in December of last year, my mother got hired onto another team this past Wednesday because she was told her current job "may be" terminated in the near future, my father was notified that in the next year, his position will be moving to another state!? Really, where is my loyalty again?

I’ve always been a leader. Ask my parents, coaches, teachers, close friends and you will find that one major difference I had over others is that I set out to be the best in everything, period. I wasn't scared of change, until now. Funny, I look back on all the team captain positions, leadership roles, awards that I've earned, accomplishments I've over come and it is in plain site that I was made to be a leader. Yet none of these has prepared me to deal with this current situation. I currently am questioning myself, who am I again, where am I going, what am I leading, and what accomplishments have I currently made. Good motivation these days are very far and in between for me. Realistically, I feel that...

I’m at a dead end and I don’t know where to go. There is one place I know I can go but it will definitely hurt a lot of loved ones if I do. In the end, this is my life and if I were to go to where I’m referring to, I feel it would help my family to come in the long run. If someone is going to step up and get my life on track with future benefits, it’s going to have to be me. Where the hell am I thinking of going, you may ask. The military...


  1. Man, I can relate to everything you said there, Marcus. You really aren't alone in this. Just imagine how many of us are out there (our age) in this same predicament. We've done what we were told: go to college, become good at something and then graduate. We've stayed out of trouble. We've been as responsible as we knew how to be. All of that to end up feeling unwanted and unrewarded for our sacrifices and hard work.

    What I've decided: what else can I do but just hang in there. Trouble surely doesn't last always. In the knick of time, something's going to come our way. And that something will blow our minds and make us laugh that we ever doubted making it through.

    As to your consideration of the military, honestly, I've thought about it too. But when I've run that by my step-dad and his brother, both who served in the Korean and Vietnam wars, they said it's not worth it. Your logic is understandble. But I'd talk with several people before you make a decision on that.

    Hang in there, man. And call me if you need to talk.

  2. Mr. Wells!

    Trust me when I say you truly are not alone at all in this thought process. I can attribute this thinking to a lot of things that are going on in my life not including having two degrees and still not doing what I set out to do!
    I just hope that you turn your frustration in to motivation to do something great! From the day I met you I knew you were and are one of a kind and something is going to pull through for you, I know your faith has been tested but I had to tell myself this the other day, its not in my time its Gods!
    You have gotten me through some crazy hurtful times and I hope you know I'm here for you!
    Keep telling yourself that things will work out and a job will happen for you soon but you have to keep at it you know. I'm praying for you but I hope that you know you can call me anytime.

    Keep writing though its great therapy with out the therapist and the bill lol! Its funny that you started one of these I did to a few weeks ago but I’m not doing a good job of updating!